how to confront

How to Confront Someone Who's Giving You the Silent Treatment

Are you getting the cold shoulder, but you don't know why? Is someone who's normally eager to speak to you now keeping your conversations to the bare minimum? This can be hurtful, frustrating, and confusing. Here's how to confront the person who's ignoring you without making things worse.

STEP 1Make sure you're not just being paranoid. Perhaps he or she is being quiet because someone in his family is ill, or is having personal problems. In this case, you shouldn't take it personally - let them have their space. But, if you notice that this person is only acting quietly towards you and not towards others, and for an extended period of time (maybe they're just having a bad day) then you may have reason to be concerned.

STEP 2Question your behavior. When did they start giving you the silent treatment? What happened that day, or the days right before their behavior changed? Could you have done or said something that was insensitive? Did something change? Try to understand what could set off the silence. Narrow it down to a few possibilities and try to think of how you can fix the situation.

STEP 3rehears what you're going to say. It's easy to get nervous and/or defensive, or to come off the wrong way, if you aren't prepared. Close your eyes and imagine you're alone with this person and say out loud what you want to say.
Begin by apologizing if you did something to offend or hurt the person, even if you're not sure what it is. Say something like "Look, I'm sorry if I've done or said something stupid to you."

STEP 4 tELL them that you value their company or friendship. (E.g. "I've really enjoyed spending time/working with you.")
Let him or her know that if something bothering them, you're all ears.
Offer to leave them alone. After all, a silent treatment indicates that he or she no longer wants to speak with you for whatever reason. If they won't share or discuss the reason, there's not much else you can do. Just have the person confirm openly that he or she wants you to stop talking to them. If they say yes, they want you to leave them alone, then leave them alone. If they say no, or not really, or I'm not sure, then say something like "Well, what's going on? Maybe we can figure something out together."

STEP 4SPEAK to the person when you're alone and are unlikely to be interrupted.
Pat yourself on the back - confronting someone takes courage, and you've handled it as best and as maturely as you could!



Tips
Your objective should be to let the person know that
(1) you didn't mean to offend or insult them,
(2) you've tried to understand their point of view,
(3) if they want to address something with you, they can, and
(4) if they want to keep the reasons to themselves and stop talking with you, you'll respect their wishes.

If you make them feel pressured to tell you what's on their mind, or if you offer guilt or more coldness in return, you might reinforce their behavior and miss a chance to save the relationship.

Keep in mind that no one can be obligated to speak to you. Everyone has the right not to speak to anyone they like. If someone else has made that choice and chooses not to reconsider, your role becomes finding a way to accept that. At some point, it's no longer about the other person.

Warnings!

Don't feel guilty for failing as a mind reader. You can do your best to understand why this person no longer wants to associate with you, but for them to clam up and expect you to figure things out on your own is unrealistic and exhibits poor communication skills on their part.

If he or she keeps giving you the silent treatment every time your relationship hits a bump in the road, and you've made it clear that you're receptive to hearing their perspective, then maybe the relationship is better off silent.

FROM WIKIHOW..